My christian life isn’t even worth being called pathetic, but for some reason God has decided to allow me to live another day. I don’t understand how I can do such horrible things, and yet God still loves me and draws me back to Himself. It makes me think how God must have something in mind that he wants me to do with my life.
About three weeks ago I set my priorities back on track, and now my aim is once again to give my all to the Master. It’s amazing how much God has blessed since then. All my wants and needs that weren’t being fulfilled were soon sifted out, and the true and pure desires of my heart were given to me (Ps. 37:4). One of the things I needed was a second job, and the very next day I gave my problems over to God, he provided just the job I needed. I also wanted to do so many things next semester such as working at the Wilds christian camp on some of the weekends and the summer, taking some more classes at a community college (which was only possible if I got a certain GPA this semester so I could get grants; which, I’m not sure how, I did), and possibly go on a missions trip (something I’ve been praying about for over a year). One of the hardest things with my plans is having to pass it by my parents. Many times we disagree on what my agenda is going to be like. Lately, though, I’ve been trying to honor them more, and all the things I’ve mentioned above, they are now allowing me to do. This in itself is all God because up until these past few weeks, they would have not let me do these things. I know this because we’ve discussed them all before.
This semester has probably been the hardest time of my life. It’s been one long trial, and I’m finally coming out of it. Really, the key to all this was staying faithful to God, and by doing so he has now blessed me more abundantly than I ever thought possible at this point in time. I’ve learned so much from reading the Psalms. One of the most fundamental things I’ve been reminded of is that God must stay at the forefront of our minds in order for us to endure the everyday situations that come our way. I don’t remember the reference in Psalms, but it says that if God is at our right hand we will not be shaken. There’s been so many days where I’ve curled up into a ball because the pressures of life were so great; the only thing I could find to hold on to was God. I also learned that when God is our refuge, then we will be blessed, and though it may not seem like it, we must remember that a blessing is anything short of Hell. But really, what do we mean when we say that we make God our refuge? It means that we don’t lean on our own understanding, that we trust God to provide, and that our hope is in nothing else but Christ our Lord.
I’m so excited to see what happens next. I just had a talk with my parents about college, and I think we’ve finally solidified my plans for the most part, and the great thing is, we both are pleased about the agreement. But I’ll be writing more about that in the next “Collegiate Status.”